Therapist Insight: What Emotional Regulation Really Looks Like in Therapy
When clients begin therapy, Nichoel Kimmerle, a Certified EMDR Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, often notices a common misconception:
People believe emotional regulation means staying calm all the time.
🌿In reality, regulation is not about eliminating emotions. It’s about staying present while experiencing them.
One of the first steps Nichoel focuses on is body awareness. She often asks:
“Where do you feel that in your body?”
“What are you noticing physically right now?”
Many clients haven’t learned to track sensations like tightness, shallow breathing, or tension. Recognizing these cues helps people notice activation earlier and respond more intentionally.
Progress doesn’t mean emotions disappear. Instead, clients begin to:
Recover more quickly
Stay connected to themselves
Respond rather than react
Nichoel also distinguishes between coping and regulating.
Coping = managing emotions (sometimes avoiding them)
Regulating = experiencing emotions while still making intentional choices
She often describes it as being the driver of a bus: emotions are passengers, but you’re still in control.
🌿Another key part of therapy is co-regulation. Through a calm, attuned presence, Nichoel helps clients feel safe enough to come out of overwhelm or shutdown.
Over time, these experiences build internal safety.
Emotional regulation is not about perfection. It’s about presence, connection, and learning to stay grounded, even in difficult moments.