Sometimes gratitude can feel miles away when we grieve. It can often feel uninvited. People may have the best of intentions when they want us to find the “silver lining” and say things like, “Well, at least…” But oftentimes, comments like that can be the last thing we want to hear from others.
Although it can be very difficult to access gratitude while grieving, and it would be completely appropriate not to, gratitude may still be present.
Gratitude can take many forms. It can feel too soon, confusing, and constantly changing, but also comforting, familiar, or even neutral. Any form it takes is okay. Sometimes, noticing warmth, familiarity, connection, or beauty can make us feel appreciative, which can be a form of gentle gratitude.
As we move through the holiday season, we want to support you in acknowledging that this time of year can bring up certain feelings, and that it’s okay to feel exactly how you do. You don’t need to force yourself to feel anything you don’t, or feel pressure to celebrate perfectly. There’s no such thing.
🌿 Gratitude Without the Pressure to Feel Grateful
In collaboration with Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, Christi Carey, who specializes in grief, we’ve compiled a collection of intentional daily journaling prompts related to grief and the holidays, along with gentle reflection and appreciation.
These prompts are intended to support compassionate thought. If you decide to move through them, you have the autonomy to approach each question in a way that feels right to you in the moment. You can move through the prompts out of order, skip one and come back to it later, or skip a prompt entirely.
It’s even okay to answer a prompt with, “I don’t know.”
Some prompts may feel heavy, and it’s okay to meet these journaling ideas where you are.
If a prompt doesn’t fit today, give yourself grace to skip it. You don’t need to find something positive. You don’t need to feel grateful for your loss or for the circumstances surrounding it.
You can hold appreciation and pain at the same time. Just remember, you get to decide.
🌿 The “Twelve Days Of” Grief & the Holidays: Support Through Daily Journaling
These 12 prompts offer a way to check in with yourself throughout the holiday season. You don’t have to complete them in order or every day. Take what feels helpful and leave the rest.
Day 1: How do I carry my loved one with me during the holidays?
This may include memories, traditions, values, stories, objects, rituals, phrases, or qualities I associate with them.
Day 2: What do I need more or less of during this holiday season?
What might support look like in honoring those needs?
Day 3: What feelings, memories, or experiences are present for me during this holiday season?
Is there anything I would like to make more room for, without needing to change or fix what I’m feeling?
Day 4: What did I love doing with my loved one?
Would I like to continue, adapt, or simply remember any part of that experience this season? What feels right for me right now?
Day 5: What traditions, rituals, or meaningful moments would I like to keep, change, pause, or create this year?
What feels supportive? What does not feel right for me at this time?
Day 6: What has this season been requiring of me?
What have I noticed about my needs, limits, emotions, or capacity?
Day 7: What has felt nourishing, comforting, neutral, difficult, or draining lately?
What might I want to give myself more or less of, without judging myself for what I need?
Day 8: What thoughts or feelings arise when I imagine this holiday season next year?
There is no need to know how I feel or where I will be. What comes up for me when I imagine it?
Day 9: Who are some people helping me navigate this holiday season?
What do I appreciate about the ways they show up for me? Is there anything I might want or need from them?
Day 10: What have I learned about myself through this season of grief?
This doesn’t have to be a lesson about strength or growth. I can simply notice what I have come to understand about myself, my needs, or my grief.
Day 11: What am I noticing about the ways I am caring for myself right now?
This might include resting, setting boundaries, asking for help, remembering my loved one, participating in traditions, taking things one moment at a time, or simply getting through a difficult day.
Day 12: What is a holiday memory I would like to spend time remembering?
I can hold the memory without needing it to make me feel happy.
🌿 Gentle Prompts for Reflection and Appreciation
Gratitude doesn’t have to be a big realization or a list of things you’re thankful for. It can start with noticing something small, familiar, meaningful, or comforting. If it feels supportive, try one of these prompts.
You can also return to them whenever you need a little space to reflect.
Was there a small moment today that I noticed, appreciated, or found comforting?
It doesn’t need to be a happy moment.What is something I can appreciate about myself today, even if today has been difficult?
What do I appreciate, value, or miss about the people I love?
Is there anything I’m feeling hopeful about right now?
If not, what feels more true for me today?Is there something in my life I once hoped for and can notice today?
What feelings come up as I recognize it?Was there something beautiful, meaningful, familiar, or moving that I noticed today?
What is something I know how to do that has supported me at some point in my life?
What was something I noticed today that brought a smile, a sense of comfort, or a moment of connection?
What did my body do for me today that I might not normally notice?
This can be something as simple as breathing, resting, carrying me through the day, or signaling that I needed care.Are there any routines or habits that currently provide a sense of familiarity or support?
What do I notice about them?Is there a tradition from my childhood that holds meaning for me?
What memories or feelings arise when I think about it?What do I notice about my mornings lately?
Is there anything that feels familiar, comforting, difficult, or meaningful?What is something I have been doing to care for myself, even if it feels small or imperfect?
What is something a loved one has done that has helped me feel remembered, understood, or accompanied?
What is a memory I would like to spend some time with?
What can I remember through my five senses, and what feelings arise as I revisit it?What is a song that feels meaningful to me right now?
What memories, emotions, or associations does it bring up?What helps me feel a little more settled, grounded, or accompanied when things feel difficult?
Are there parts of the holidays that hold meaning, familiarity, or connection for me?
Are there parts that are painful or difficult? I can acknowledge both.What do I appreciate, value, or find comforting about the space I live in?
If nothing comes to mind today, what do I notice about how my space feels to me?When was a time I laughed or felt a moment of lightness?
What do I remember about that experience, and what feelings come up as I remember it? It’s okay if you find yourself enjoying a meal, laughing at a joke, feeling relieved to have a break from obligations, or looking forward to something.
🌿 Grief Activities to Help You Reflect
We also wanted to include some activities that Christi has found helpful in her practice as a counselor. These activities are meant to be supportive. You can sit with them, skip over them, or use them in whatever way feels most helpful to you, with no pressure to complete or conform to any of them.
Activity 1: Can & Can't Control
On a piece of paper, draw a circle in the center of the page. Name and write down thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or happenings that are coming up for you.
If something feels like it is within your control, place it inside the circle. If it feels like something you cannot control, write it outside the circle.
This activity is intended to help you notice, compartmentalize, feel seen and heard, and build grace for yourself.
Activity 2: The Grief Iceberg
On a piece of paper, draw an iceberg, with a line about a third of the way down from the top.
The tip of the iceberg represents what people see, while the bottom represents what people don’t see.
In the tip of the iceberg, write how you portray grief publicly or how you try to portray your feelings. In the bottom part, write how grief truly feels for you when no one is watching.
Activity 3: Sentence Completion
On a piece of paper, write down and complete the following sentence starters:
Right now, I feel…
I feel the saddest when…
The thing I miss the most about the person I lost is…
Since the loss, things have been different because…
My family usually feels…
If I could ask the person I lost one thing, I would ask…
Something I liked about the person I lost was…
One thing I learned from the person I lost is…
There is no right or wrong way to complete these sentences. Write as much or as little as feels comfortable, and take a break if you need one.
🌿 You Get to Decide What Gratitude Looks Like
We hope you will move through this holiday season with grace for yourself and the permission to grieve in any way that feels right for you.
There is no such thing as perfection, and no such thing as the “right way” to navigate grief. What feels supportive for you may look different each day, and that’s okay. We hope these prompts and activities will help support you in that.
If you find a moment of gratitude, you can welcome it. If gratitude feels out of reach, you don’t have to force it. Both experiences deserve space.
If you’re navigating loss this holiday season, you may also find comfort in our articles on grief. Each explores a different way to make room for grief and care for yourself during a season that can bring up a lot.
And if you need more support, Restoration Counseling Services is here with you. You don’t have to work through everything on your own, and you deserve care that meets you where you are.