The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. Films and music catered to the season show us a shining, glamorized side of what this time of year can look like, filled with snow, the smell of pine, and the taste of sugar cookies and gingerbread.
But for someone experiencing a loss, the holidays can bring a deep sense of grief. Familiar traditions, gatherings with loved ones, seasonal music, certain smells, or even seasonal foods may bring memories of a lost loved one to the surface and make us feel their absence in a significant way.
We may feel comfortable one moment, and the next be experiencing sadness, longing, and loneliness. These shifts in emotion don’t mean we are moving backward during the holidays. In fact, they’re a natural part of grief.
🌿 Why Grief Can Feel Stronger During the Holidays
Holidays have the ability to bring on what is sometimes called an anniversary reaction. Significant dates, anniversaries, birthdays, or experiencing the first holiday season after losing a loved one can intensify our emotions, causing us to experience sadness, numbness, frustration, or anxiety.
Grief can even have physical effects, like headaches, trouble sleeping, or feeling more tired than usual during the day.
Anniversary reactions can be tied to how we felt when a traumatic or devastating event happened. Our brains have the ability to remember those feelings when the anniversary or time of year comes around. Even years after a loss, a particular tradition or memory around the time of our loss might remind us of the person we miss.
It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t follow a set timeline, and there is no requirement to feel a certain way just because it’s a holiday. You have permission to feel what comes naturally.
When Holiday Traditions Feel Different
Experiencing family traditions can be especially complicated after a loss. A tradition that once brought joy and comfort may suddenly feel painful because someone we love is no longer there to participate in it.
There are many ways to navigate holiday traditions after a loss. We might choose to continue a tradition, adapt it, or create something entirely new to support us where we are in life right now.
You may find that lighting a candle for a loved one, preparing their favorite meal, sharing memories of them, or beginning a new ritual provides a meaningful way to honor their presence while also making space for the way life is now and how you feel during this season.
That said, however you feel is natural and okay. You don’t need to force yourself to do things or feel things for any reason during the holidays, or at all. What matters is finding and doing things that feel comforting and helpful to you, without the pressure to conform to anyone else’s idea of how you should act.
Give Yourself Permission to Experience the Holidays Differently
This holiday season, we want to come alongside you as you experience the holidays in your own way. You don’t need to push your feelings away or pretend you don’t have them.
Take this time to focus on being kind to and caring for yourself, and lean on the people who support you. There is no “right way” to grieve or handle the aftermath of losing someone you love. You are entitled to the feelings you have, and you deserve self-compassion as you move through this season.
Whatever feels soothing and gentle to you during this time is a good place to start.
🌿 You Don't Have to Navigate the Holidays Alone
If the holidays feel different or more difficult after a loss, remember that you don’t have to force yourself to feel festive or recreate the past. Give yourself permission to meet this season where you are.
All this month on The Restoration Journal, we explore ways to remember loved ones, adapt familiar traditions, and make room for new experiences without feeling like you’re leaving the past behind.
And as we move through this month, we’ll also explore how gratitude can offer support while making space for grief, rather than asking you to choose one feeling over the other.
At Restoration Counseling Services, we’re here with you. If you’re finding this season especially difficult, support is available. You don’t have to carry it all on your own.